Vent

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Puck
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Vent

Post by Puck »

Mum and me just had a massive blow up of an argument because she called out on all my insecurities regarding money and work and blame that her life isnt what she expected. I felt stripped raw and reacted badly because I know it's the truth but I didn't have the strength today to brush it off.

Basically mum and me share our business shes a counsellor and I'm an acupuncturist,we felt if we offer joint service in support of various issues we'd stand out. But she wasnt ready last year and neither was I, to give it a good go plus lockdowns occurring and being shut down. She's said she didn't want to set up private and would be independent on her wage from the council.

Shes asked if I want to take the business over and I happily would. But I cant get myself to say it as I'm worried she'll blame me in the future for me doing this as she is very good at bringing up past issues in arguments. She said she would hand over the website and everything but I have to be self funding in six months when she'll remove all financial support.

But I hate how little the council pay her and think she's worth more. But at the same time I'm more motivated to get going. I tried to get her to say what she wants so I don't make the wrong decision but she just throws it back at me and I'm scared I'll fail without her support and have to give up my dream and work in aldi instead. She left in a huff angry at me and I've cried for a good half an hour as I hate her leaving angry in case something bad happens and I never see her alive again.

My OCD is surfacing right now and I've scrubbed my hands raw and I hate myself for it because they are so painful but I can't stop the thoughts and therefore cant stop doing it. I suck and I dont know what to do.
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Spork.
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Re: Vent

Post by Spork. »

I'm really sorry that happened, Meg <3

Even if those insecurities are the truth it's not fair for her to be throwing them around in an intentionally hurtful way. Your mental health is your responsibility but it is not your fault.

Is there anything I can do?
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nonperson
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Re: Vent

Post by nonperson »

I'm so sorry Meg.

I think you need to make the decision that is right for you even if you think it will hurt your mum's feelings. If you want to take on the business and are more motivated to do it than her, then that sounds like the right thing to do to me. She could maybe join the business at a later date when you're up and running?

Is there anything you can do to get the hand washing under control again?

And you don't suck at all. I know you don't agree right now but it is the truth 💜
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Puck
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Re: Vent

Post by Puck »

She's always been like that but it's very rarely I respond as I don't think she means it really but today I just couldn't cope today and lashed out which just made everything worse I hate it when my anger comes to the surface. I don't cope with it very well. But today it was mainly because we were having a positive talk about the business then I came upstairs to get something, came down and she cornered me. I was completely caught off guard!

I wish she'd just tell me what she wants so I can make her happy and not have her be passive aggressive all the time. Because any time I try and get angry or explain myself she calls it whining and refuses to listen whereas I listen to her all the time no matter what because I'm the only person she can talk to but its not equitable, to be frank I'm fed up with that. But I love her and I know she'll come home and act like nothing happened and we'll be fine but it all puts me in a spin. Because I don't want to be selfish and talk about myself, I don't want to appear lazy and a lay about or scrounger. She doesn't perceive me as ill anymore and no I'm not but I still struggle and I'll probably never have a normal life like an imaginary lucky percentage! I'm trying my best. I just wish she'd see that instead of comparing me to herself at my age or others she knows that are my age.

She was with my dad at my age in her own house and working as a staff nurse. I'm just not that fortunate but I wish that could be me even though it's unrealistic because the cost of houses are so much more unrealistic to reach in comparison to then. My cousin wouldn't have his own place if my aunt didn't pay for it outright! His rent to my auny is less than my therapy room! And i have no partner, no local friends, no life but I'm happy most the time. She'll always take it back but I feel like I'm her punching bag at times, I know she has no one else she can treat that way but I wish she'd take it out on my aunt and nan too, but she always listens to them and never gets angry with them, it's always me! So I suppose it's good she trusts me enough to lash out.

I could take on the business and hope I succeed, it's what I want to do but I'm worried about the consequences. My hand washing has come out of the blue since this question rise although its not been great this year naturally and it's really bad since I've had looping thinking about the business and everything I just can't stop my head. But practicalities i've got steroid cream now and aqueous cream too im going to make an effort to be kind and only use the aqueous to wash my hands with warm water really bathe them and try to resist scrubbing and alcohol gel which I've been doing far too much. My hands are a mess and I woke up so many times last night because of the pain and Ive told everyone it's something I've reacted too liks I dug out my old CBT notes to see if I can crack what has triggered this and what is really scaring me.

This has all been building up in my opinion but it throws me and I've just ended up in a mess!
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Spork.
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Re: Vent

Post by Spork. »

It's totally understandable for that to have thrown you off. There's no good reason for her to have put you in that situation.

Living with mental illness is being ill. Sure, you might manage better at some times than others and you might be relatively stable and function well but it doesn't go away. It's extra work just at a baseline.
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nonperson
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Re: Vent

Post by nonperson »

It's still not ok for her to treat you like that.

I hope your CBT notes can help, maybe getting that under control and improving the hand pain will give you a clearer head to think about the other stuff.
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Puck
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Re: Vent

Post by Puck »

I know it's not right but mostly we get on very well, and I love her but I struggle when she treats me this way. I think sorting my hands will help, not having such a physical expression of my current mh will help and, the pain is bad and I don't like the lying, makes me feel a fake! I need to find something kinder to do when I feel those thoughts right now. I might get myself some play doh or a fidget tiy! So it's tactile and something to do with my hands and I'll persevere with the healthy cream washing for sure.
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Muir
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Re: Vent

Post by Muir »

I'm sorry Meg, that all sounds really rough. Make sure you take care of you <3

Have a look around too to see what business supports might be available to you. It's amazing sometimes what's out there they you wouldn't even know about.
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Puck
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Re: Vent

Post by Puck »

I'll have to do some digging, I've been looking at benefits I'll qualify for as a start
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Muir
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Re: Vent

Post by Muir »

Definitely look at benefits, and see are there any local places that support start ups. I've had a lot of support for TGL with the mentoring and getting the video made etc. and most of it I don't think 99% of people would even realise is available.
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