I've been kidding myself

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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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I have to get the bus to the gym tomorrow but it does help me release pent up feelings positively. I might go into town on my way home and get some distraction stuff so I can rest but be doing something. Maybe something for grounding too.. I only have an acupuncture appointment first thing on Thursday but will definitely rest after that as it's a short walk there and back so not too intrusive on my day.

I don't know if this is usual but the past two days I've been feeling really tired like woozy head tired and I'm not sure if that is usual for an AD increase, I'd expect it of my other meds but not this one, it's a 25mg jump, i can't remember what it was like the last time I was on this dose though or when I first initiated it whether it made me tired I've been on it years.
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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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That sounds like a good idea with the distractions and keeping up with the gym for sure.

It has been a while since I've been on ADs but I know mirtazapine made me exhausted and so does my current anti anxiety if the dose changes or I'm not sleeping enough.
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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I'm so stupid, self harmed after being worn out and feeling ill after getting two busses and walk to gym, it was too much and I was crying on the bus home. I should have made some food but instead self destructed. I have acupuncture tomorrow with fresh scars and bandages, i feel so ashamed that I'm doing this to myself , i dont even know why it's like I have no pride in myself and I feel lost to who I am. I know I shouldnt be feeling like this and I feel immensely guilty for it. Which I also know isn't healthy. Ugh.
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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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You're not stupid Meg. Sometimes when we struggle with our self image and dealing with emotions it's much easier to make the self destructive choice even if the healthy choice would be a better option long term. Today the less healthy choice won but that doesn't mean it has to determine what happens tomorrow or the next day.
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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Thank you Zoe, that's true, I downloaded the self care project on kindle and ordered some art materials as a kindness to myself, I'm now aiming to productively be kind and caring towards myself. I'm watching dirty dancing because it's one of my favourite films and I just had my best meal in days, my appetite has been non existent so I made something I like and I do feel slightly sleepy with a full stomach!
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Muir
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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I'm sorry you're struggling Meg. I'm glad you're trying to be kind and caring towards yourself, you deserve it and it's a positive step. Glad you've had a good meal too. Hopefully you'll manage to get a decent night's sleep in now you're feeling tired.
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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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It sounds like you've made some good decisions right now Meg so that's something positive. I hope it all helps.
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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After acupuncture today and she was very kind to me, I've done her a disservice by not being truthful to her these past months. But I had a decent warm lunch and a long nap afterward in more warmth (It's really windy and wet here, walking to and fro got me chilled) with my dog and I woke up feeling more relaxed than I have in a few days. It was a blessing before going out in the wet again to walk him. But even now I feel the effects , wonders what sleep and food can do! I'm still tired so should sleep well tonight. I have gym by bus tomorrow and I'm dreading it! It was so bad yesterday but going to take it by ear and be gentle to myself if I struggle! We got the car back today so I can drive there and back from Monday so all good! We also saved a lot of money, for a new part it would have cost £750 and work over a thousand more than the car is worth but all credit to them they sent us to an online advert for breakers yard s and got the part spent £220 which is affordable and not putting us in the deep end. So hoping it lasts and is all good until the next time! That's one weight off my mind at least.
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Muir
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Muir »

I'm glad she was kind, and that you're being kind to yourself. That's fantastic about the car, breakers yards can be amazing to save money on parts. It's great to hace that weight off. I hope today isn't too bad.
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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I genuinely don't know why I feel this way, i feel so tired and so sad, I'm going out with my mum for coffee in the minute having a heart to heart. I h hope I can talk I tend to deflect a lot
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