I've been kidding myself

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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Spork. »

Different in a good way or different in a more of a pain way? :P

How're you doing today?
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Puck »

He's just not like our other boys much more needy and highly strung, easily stressed. But he makes up for it in how extremely loving he is 💙.

Today is better than yesterday thank you I've mostly rested and watched nature documentaries. It gets me out of my head and see the bigger picture. I've eaten well all day and been kind to myself. Still struggling with paranoia and voices but the neighbours weren't noisy so it made it more manageable.
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Muir
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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I'm glad today is better and that you're being kind to yourself. You deserve the kindness.
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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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Well done for eating well and being kind to yourself <3 Sorry paranoia is still being a bit of a pain, hopefully that'll settle down a bit tomorrow. Always here for a gentle face tap of reality of perception if you need :lol:
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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My mood has plummeted, and I'm self harming again I don't even know why, i was triggered by a memory and I feel stupid now. Sometimes I just do it and I should be looking after my body not hurting it.
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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Spork. »

It's not stupid Meg. It's hard not to let those things get to us and it feels easier to be mean to ourselves than it does to be kind.

Is there anything I can do?
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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Thank you for replying I just needed to put it somewhere. I'm hiding it all again and I feel like a fraud when I wear a smile. Does that sound silly? It's like I'm lying to everyone that matters but I equally don't want to tell them because of the consequences. I feel between a rock and a hard place. I have the council coming out to inspect my room on Tuesday and she was irritated with me for getting her to give me different times so I could choose. I'm really worried now that she will be pinickity and fussy. This room is my only hope, logically it shouldn't be an issue but they're always snooty and have no understanding of acupuncture like blood spillage when the most you get is a droplet. I'm so worried my confidence will be limited and wavering.. I hope I'm okay but it's stressing me out. A lot falls on this and I'm so rubbish at assertiveness.
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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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You don't need to thank me, you're more than welcome. I can understand the feeling of being a fraud and I do think that you should try to talk to people when you feel able before things get out of hand but if you think about it you're only trying to protect yourself. Is it actually protection? I don't think, but I can understand why it feels that way. I know it's frustrating when people know the truth and it all seems overbearing but they're only trying to keep you safe and give you an accountability check.

I wouldn't worry too much about her sounding irritated, I think that's just how the council is a lot of the time :P You say this room is your only hope but even if they were to point out some issues that doesn't automatically shut things down, it just means you adapt a few things and try again. That's worst case scenario too which isn't even necessarily likely to happen.
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Muir
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Muir »

I'm sorry things are feeling so stressful Meg. I understand not wanting to tell people because of the consequences but there can also be positive consequences of getting support and managing things before they spiral out of control, so try to keep that in mind.

I hope the woman from the council is nice. All you can do is your best, and I'm sure she will recognise that you have done that.
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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Mum found out, i couldn't control one wound and I've been hiding upstairs trying to do so she came up and I panicked and told her, she is furious with me called me an asshole which I know I am. She saw the results of the other sh too. I hate the consequences, she will be vile for the foreseeable future. I suppose I deserve it though, she did sort me out I just feel terrible to put her in that situation
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