I've been kidding myself

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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Spork. »

I don't think it's a case of deserve at all Meg. I think different people just handle worry differently. Some are dead calm even though they're panicking internally, some cry, some shout.

Being cruel to yourself or telling yourself that you deserve cruelty isn't going to make it easier to cope or move forwards, hard though it can be to be kind sometimes. You've been nothing but a joy since I've known you.
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Muir
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Muir »

You don't deserve it, but it is something that's difficult for a parent or anyone who cares for someone. You're not an asshole, your mum is likely just overcome with worry and not handling that very well. Do you think it might be a good time to reach out to services?
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Puck »

Thanks both for your kindness, I've taken prn so calmer, but we haven't talked at all. I hate her silent treatment. I understand she probably is worried I hate I did that to her though. I've thought about calling the duty worker and seeing what they recommend. I'm seeing a gp on Tuesday I could express my current issues to her and see what she says. I feel so much pressure to succeed and I'm just crumbling.
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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Spork. »

I can understand that it's not a nice reaction at all, I just think it's important to understand that even though it's harsh of her it probably comes from a place of care, just done badly.

I think it sounds like a good idea to talk to the GP and I'd also consider duty worker.
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Muir
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Muir »

I'm glad you're feeling calmer at least. I'm sorry she's giving you the silent treatment though, I know that's difficult and horrible.

I think it's a good idea to talk to them. It's a lot easier to succeed when we let people help than it is to do it all alone.
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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I just sent my mum an email explaining a little and thanking her and apologising I hope giving her a bit of insight will help her process it I hope in the morning things will be less frosty. We went to bed she didn't say goodnight or anything that always panics me. I'll think over the weekend about next steps
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Muir
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Muir »

I think the email was a good idea. As a kid I used to write I'm sorry notes and throw them down the stairs if I was in trouble. I hope things are better in the morning. Thinking over the weekend is a good idea too, it's good to have time to process when you're hopefully feeling a little better so you can make the right decision for you.
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Spork.
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Re: I've been kidding myself

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Yeah, the email does sound like it's a smart call. (Also that's pretty adorable Muir)

A weekend to think is okay Meg but don't let your head talk you out of it if it's actually the right thing for you.
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Puck
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Puck »

I love that Muir, it's so sweet! She did reply but said that she's sorry for being a bad mum, i hate that she feels that way I just want to prove to her she's not because in my eyes she is the best mum I could hope for but she won't hear anything else. It makes me feel awful. Things are better but still slightly awkward. I hope things improve more. I think I will ring the duty worker on Monday and see what they think I'm just scared as I felt I would never need it again
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Muir
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Re: I've been kidding myself

Post by Muir »

Have you and your mum ever done any family behavioural therapy? It can be really good for learning good techniques for listening and communicating. Maybe if you're up to it you could cook her a nice meal or get her a card and remind her how much you appreciate her.

I think ringing is a good idea. I don't think it helps to think we'll never need something again. Everyone has times where they need a little extra support. You have moved to a point where instead of regular appointments, you call them on your terms when you need them. That's the next step from where you were before. It's small steps instead of jumping from regular support to nothing. And it's important to be able to identify early when you are struggling and to reach out - that's a huge and positive thing, not a bad thing. It means you're doing well enough to see when things are getting bad, and to take the steps needed to stop them spiraling.

I think it's easy to think that you get discharged from services and then everything is supposed to be grand. But I think it's a bad way to look at it that can actually put a lot of pressure on to feel well all of the time. Recovery is a journey, and life will always have tough times as well as good times. So recovering is about learning to recognise early when you might start to slip, and taking the right steps at that time to get back into a better place. It looks like you're doing that, and that means you're doing awesome.
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