Unsure what to title this

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nonperson
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Unsure what to title this

Post by nonperson » Wed Nov 06, 2019 2:54 am

This might be a weird question...

I'm currently receiving treatment for a frozen shoulder (basically can't move it) but am really struggling to do all the physio exercises 2 to 3 times a day... partially because I find it so hard to ask for help and also because I don't think I deserve the help or to feel better.

I know this might sound weird and trivial but by not doing the exercises it means I can prolong the discomfort and feels like it's a sort of self harm In a way.

I've only got a limited number of physio sessions for free so want to make the most of them and want to return to normal as quick as possible but depending on who I'm talking to (3 months from the consultant to 2 years from the physio lady) I feel increasingly pressured to be proactive and help myself as much as possible. Helping myself does not come naturally to me... so I'm struggling to get into a new routine of doing these exercises. Even when I stop seeing the physio I might need to be doing these exercises every day forever.

And now that I have professional involved it's just made the pressure worse. I don't want to fail them, don't want to see them longer than I need to and it's just adding to the whole stress of feeling broken and not good enough because work are now involved and telling me what I can and can't do.

I have to admit this is a slightly drunken post and I will have to go back and correct typos but it's just an added complication to everything and feels so much harder to achieve than if I didn't have any other issues at the same time.

I lied to the occupational health lady today when she asked about mental well-being and sleep patterns and appetite... That's not what I was being assessed for so I said it was all fine... but in reality it's not and it's all linked and making this so much harder than it should be.

Part of me wanted to scream at the lady and say I don't sleep well at all, I struggle to feed myself properly and that it's a small miracle that I make it out the house every day, that I cut and drink because it's a brief escape from being me. But all that would come back to my managers and I would rather DIE than admit that I'm not coping with life. I can''t let that happen...

So... I'm drunk on a work night (it's only fucking Tuesday) and need to be awake again in 3 hours and take a deep breath and carry on pretending everything is ok. This whole shoulder thing has maybe taken it one step too far.

I think there was meant to be a question in there somewhere of how to manage this or about how to get into a new physio routine but it's just turned into a ranting woe-is-me sort of post instead.
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Muir
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by Muir » Wed Nov 06, 2019 7:25 am

I just wanted to say I've read this and I'll reply properly later. I hope work today isn't too bad.
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nonperson
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by nonperson » Wed Nov 06, 2019 7:59 am

Thanks. Just pretending everything is fine and hoping that no one can tell I'm still a bit drunk...
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nonperson
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by nonperson » Wed Nov 06, 2019 8:04 am

And just having read of the post again myself I'm quite impressed at how coherent I was there but it's actually pretty hard hitting to read that back. It's like it's not me but it is me that's written it.
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Spork.
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by Spork. » Wed Nov 06, 2019 8:43 am

I think physical on top of mental definitely doesn't help Nonperson. Also, I think we've all been in a place where we don't like ourselves, feel rather destructive and don't want to or aren't able to be proactive about our recovery.

On the topic of how to get in to the routine I think it depends on what's preventing you getting in to it. If it's the mental side of things would it help to weigh it up in a totally honest pros/cons list so you can see exactly what you achieve by doing the physio and that it (hopefully) outweighs the rest?
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nonperson
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by nonperson » Wed Nov 06, 2019 1:10 pm

Maybe. It's not that I don't know the benefits. I really want to move my arm again! I find it really hard to stick to a routine. I might be really good for a few days and then run out of effort, or something.

It's hard too because when I get home I just want to sit down and do nothing/eat. There's no way I can get up earlier to do them in the morning... and because I have to lie down on my bed to do them and need to count repetitions and breathe deeply, it's all quiet and that's lots of horrible thinking time that I don't enjoy.

Might be able to do some at work but obviously not the laying down ones!
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by Spork. » Wed Nov 06, 2019 1:17 pm

that's actually the next thing I was going to ask. If there was any way you could incorporate some while you're out and about. That way at least the ones you can't do at work will take less time.
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by nonperson » Wed Nov 06, 2019 1:28 pm

I've just done some actually. Occy health said that work should provide me time to do the exercises, not just in my break times, so I'm thinking of pushing for that because if I give myself set times to do them it would help. I like routine in my work day but can't seem to set one and keep one going outside of work.
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by Spork. » Wed Nov 06, 2019 1:32 pm

I think you should definitely push for that. If they're legally obliged you might as well take advantage of it and also have set time to help the routine.
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Re: Unsure what to title this

Post by Muir » Wed Nov 06, 2019 3:42 pm

I was having a think and was going to suggest doing them at work and having a set agreed time so I think that's a really good idea. Plus if it's part of work schedule you might feel more 'obligated' to do it rather than prolonging the discomfort because you don't feel you deserve to get better.

Obviously the drinking and struggling with mental health right now aren't ideal - but maybe tackle one thing at a time. I think perhaps the shoulder might be more manageable right now? Do your best to keep on top of it, and we'll be here if you want to talk or vent. But maybe actively work on the shoulder since you're dealing with professionals for it anyway
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